The Facts Of Our Lives
by BlondeKnitter
Summary: Fact: 99.9% of readers found this story amusing. Only 0.01% haven't reviewed. Don't be a statistic! REVIEW! Full of random facts bent to the humorous way of KKM. enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Fun Facts

By BlondeKnitter

Disclaimer: I do not own KKM, and I am making no money from this.

a/n: I and a friend were reading odd facts off the internet, and we decided to write a fic where we centre the plot around the fact. So here it is. Please read and let me know how you like it. Be nice, cause this is my first story.

Fact: 60% of all marriages end in divorce.

_Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue…._ Mama's words were still echoing all through out Wolfram's mind the night before his and Yuuri's wedding. He had wished to keep _some_ of Earth's marriage traditions to make his fiancé happy considering that the ceremony would mainly consist on Mazoku traditions. He wouldn't allow the king to see him until the next day at dusk, a Mazoku tradition. Couples were married on the full moon that swelled the tides up the beaches and promised fertility and a happy joining, another tradition.

Wolfram processed this and mulled over it again and again as he stared at the canopy bed's ceiling.

After laying awake several more minutes, he lit the lamp with a small burst of fire magic, and stepped out of his little room. He had to find the required items for the wedding and fast. He had no time. Annissina had loaned him a black garter to wear under his tunic and whether or not that counted as 'something borrowed' he did not know. He did not want to risk things not working perfectly.

His first stop was Conrart's room. He crept inside with the lamp shuttered and was relieved to see that the Captain of the Guards was out on patrol. Never in all his years had he thought that he'd be willingly looking about Conrart's room, but here he was. He scanned the room for anything that he could use.

"Aha!" he exclaimed, "found you." he picked up the old wooden sword from the shelf and stalked out the door, shutting it gently behind him. '_something old,' check!_ Wolfram thought gleefully to himself as he quietly padded down the cold stone hallways. He ignored the eerie darkness with his lonely lamp, his determination preventing him from feeling any unease he might have felt any other night. His next stop: big brother's room.

He completely extinguished the lantern at the door to Gwendal's room for extra precaution. The General Regent was a somewhat heavy sleeper, but he kept his room black as soot and added to the fact that Gwendal was a trained soldier, Wolfram had to be careful. He pushed the door open carefully, slowly as he could, trying to see inside…nothing…. He used his soldier's training to sense where the older Mazoku was. After a moment of concentration, he verified that Gwendal was not in the room and slowly, he stepped inside, shutting the door behind him.

Wolfram made his way to the bed to double check if Gwendal was indeed there, when a light came from the bathroom, silhouetting the tall demon in the door.

"Wolfram?" Gwendal mumbled tiredly, "What are you doing in here at one in the morning?"

Thinking fast, Wolfram went into 'cute baby brother mode,' "I had a nightmare, and since Little Big Brother is away, I came here. I was so afraid. I dreamed that Yuuri-" he couldn't go on. He widened his eyes and looked up at Gwen with tears in the corners. The older man felt his eye twitch from cuteness overload.

"Ok. You can stay in here for the rest of the night."

Wolf snuggled into the broad chest and settled down to wait. The bathroom light was left on for him, and he was grateful for that. Looking around, he saw just the thing he wanted. All that was needed now was for Gwendal to go to sleep.

It only took an hour of patient waiting for him to fall deeply asleep. Wolfram still laid there loving the feeling of warmth that radiated from his Big Brother. After the wedding, he would not be allowed to be alone with anybody but his husband. _Stupid stuffy marriage laws. Stupid traditions. _Yuuri wouldn't care. He understood the bond between brothers.

He lifted the sleep heavy arm and slipped out of his grip, moving a pillow where he was so that Gwendal wouldn't wake and see him swiping what he wanted from his room. He tiptoed to the wardrobe and pulled the jewelry drawer open, digging through the chains until he found what he was looking for. After he untangled the mess, he eased out the door pulling it to behind him.

_Something borrowed, check!_ he sniggered to himself. The next stop on his list was his mother's room. A stray tear came to his eye and he stubbornly wiped it away. It hurt his heart that his mother couldn't be there for the wedding. Storms kept her ship in port in Small Shimaron. The Ten Noble families of the realm refused an extension on the ceremony on account of the too long engagement.

He looked around the unfamiliar chamber and went to look in the lingerie drawer. After a moment of digging, his found his _something blue, check!_ he glanced into the silky, lacy articles and felt confident that he had all he wanted. Yuuri would love it, he hoped. After replacing the things in their places, he paused before leaving and grabbed a pillow off of the bed.

He was exhausted after tramping all over the castle, so he retired to his room to get what little sleep he could for the rest of the night. He placed the items on his bedside table and curled around his mother's pillow. He buried his face in it to take in her smell, lilacs and sunshine, and then after letting a few tears escape, settled into a deep sleep.

All too soon, his attendants came in to begin preparations for the ceremony. It was only dawn, and Wolfram was still sleepy, the dark circles under his eyes serving as evidence to that fact. They stripped him and began the cleansing ritual. He was soaked in an oil infused bath of honeysuckles and citrus flowers. And after almost drowning when he fell asleep in the bath, he was wide awake.

The attendants came in and got into the sunken tub with the soon to be Prince Consort and began scrubbing him all over. One shampooed his hair, massaging his scalp to rid it of the impurities, and the other moved down his legs to his feet, reducing Wolf to a puddle of goo. It wasn't do much to keep him from sinking into sleep again. He was removed from the bathing room and laid down on the chaise lounge to rest before the next bridal ritual.

The attendants allowed him to rest a bit as they brushed off his tunic and trousers, and shined his shoes. His breakfast was brought in and left for the servants to take to the bride. No one was allowed to see him before the Maou on the wedding night. No words were to be spoken until the vows that night; the tradition was to ensure that the future Prince Consort was trustworthy to keep the nation's secrets. Wolfram just hoped that his voice wouldn't crack during the ceremony.

Wolf drank some herbal tea and nibbled some toast, his stomach not cooperating for much else, and settled down to nap a little more. The attendants left him to sleep for a couple of hours to let him get ready for the final preparations. An hour before dusk, he was awakened and placed in a hot salt and mineral bath to soften his skin. He was to be completely clean and pure for the Maou.

He was dried off and his g-string was tied on his hips, and the black garter was placed on his thigh, soon followed by his tight tan knee pants and silk stockings which were fastened above his knees with silver straps. Oils were brushed into his golden curls, adding to the shine and each one was meticulously pulled into place with saintly patience.

The under tunic was pulled over his head and the outer was belted at his waist, showing his entire petite figure. The attendants put light eyeliner on to accentuate the emerald for the king. He was the only one who would see him after all. When they were finished dressing him and left, Wolfram went to the table holding his items. He pulled the wolf charm pendant that he got from Gwen, put the wooden sword in his belt for Conrart, and slipped the blue lacy thong on after removing his pants and g-string.

As soon as he re-dressed, the attendants came back in and placed the ceremonial bridal veil over his head. They motioned for him to sit while they went to prepare the carriage for him. The door opened and a cloth bag was dropped inside and the door shut just as fast.

Wolf picked it up and wrapped up was a small silver dagger with a note attached. He recognized Gwendal's writing immediately:_ Just in case he gets too close_.

Wolf chuckled. He now had his _something new_.

The ceremony itself didn't take all the time that preparing for it had. He and Yuuri exchanged a few vows, were tied together with the ceremonial red rope, drank from the cup of wine, and kissed. Wolfram had gone through the entire thing in a daze. He couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that he and Yuuri were _finally _married after all the trouble he had gone through to get to that point.

Later that evening, he and Yuuri lay sated in each other's arms in the Royal Bedchambers.

"I love you, wimp. I even did your Earth tradition of something old, new, borrowed and blue. It took me all night, but I did it." he kissed his jaw and yawned.

Yuuri chuckled, "I loved your _something blue._ I love you too, and we are destined to be bonded. We are married after all!" he pulled the exhausted blonde into his arms tighter and they went to sleep soon after.

At the end of the day, it didn't matter how many trinkets he had, he and Yuuri _were_ destined to be together. After years of insecurity and heart ache, they were finally married happily.


	2. Chapter 2

The Facts of Our Lives

By BlondeKnitter

Disclaimer: I do not own this anime and I make no money off of it.

a/n: this fact seemed really funny, and I just had to do it.

Fact: you cannot fold a regular piece of paper more than seven times.

Chapter 2

Yuuri sat in his office and Wolfram was standing over his shoulder as usual. They have been married less than a week, and some things never changed. He wanted to distract his wife so they could sneak off and fool around. His mind raced quickly until he settled on an idea.

"Hey Wolf, did you know that you cannot fold a normal piece of paper more than seven times?" he waited for the blonde to take the bait.

He wasn't disappointed. "What are you talking about, wimp? Folding paper is easy."

"Maybe, but you can't do it seven times in a row."

"I can do it _eight_ times in a row."

Yuuri grinned, he had him now, "Bet you can't."

"BET I CAN! I CAN _SO_ DO IT EIGHT TIMES!" the yelling blonde's face flushed with the anger he felt at being told he couldn't do something, and he stomped his foot in frustration.

"What do you want to bet you can't?" he was secretly walking in the clouds. He could get out of work _and _Wolf to bed.

He jutted his chin out and replied, "I'll bet you oral under the desk that I can."

"Umm, what about full on sex in our chambers?"

"Hmph, wimp, you're supposed to be working." his eyes widened in realization, "You asshole! You're using me to get out of work! Well, it's either oral under the desk, or nothing!"

With a sigh, Yuuri caved in. It would break up the monotony of the afternoon. "Deal." he handed him a sheet of new paper free of all wrinkles.

"Piece of pie." Wolfram muttered. Yuuri didn't even bother to correct him. He took the first fold that would half the sheet and creased it. He folded it again in fourths, again creasing it. "Feh, simple." the next fold was just as easy, into eighths, and creased it again. "That's three folds."

Yuuri sat there grinning at him. The next fold was a bit harder to crease, and the fifth fold almost couldn't be creased. He managed to get the sixth fold, only just barely. He stood there and tried to fold it again.

"UNNNGGGHHH! DAMMIT!" the tears of annoyance threatening to fall.

"Told you, Wolf. Can't be done."

"I'm not giving up just yet, wimp." he tried to fold the seventh time, but it just wouldn't cooperate with him. With a growl, he undid the paper and stared at it in concentration.

"A-HA! I got it!" he then took the paper and began to fold it fan style while counting, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10," he made it to fourteen and held it in triumph in front of his aggravated husband. "There! Fourteen folds. I win!," he crowed.

Yuuri's eye twitched a time or two before he sighed, "Fine, you win by default. I'll do the damn paperwork."

Wolf pulled his chair out and crawled under the desk, "Don't be mad. I did kind of cheat." he unzipped the black pants and freed the king's erection and slid into his mouth. He let his tongue toy with the slit he knew was one of Yuuri's e-spots, and took him in to the hilt and moaned just so.

"Oh Shinou, WOLF!" he screamed before coming hard into his wife's mouth. With a pop, Wolfram released the spent cock and licked it clean. He replaced it into the pants and climbed out from under the desk.

"Now, finish your work, so we can sneak off to our chambers." with a farewell kiss, he left Yuuri sitting there boneless, tasting himself in his mouth. He replayed the image of the blonde walking away swinging his hips the way he knew would drive him crazy the most. It took him little time to complete the day's work and get to the bed chamber. A new record for him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Facts of Our Lives**

**Disclaimer: I don't own KKM, and I'm not making any money off this.**

**a/n: Big thanks to my faithful reviewers AirKnitter, Wolfram von Bielefeld, and AsuraChan. I'm happy all of you like my story, and I hope you all hang in there and keep those lovely reviews coming. I need them to go on!**

**Fact: Each year, about 500,000 earthquakes occur in the world. About 100,00 of those can be felt, and about 100 of them cause damage.**

**Gwendal was not happy. At. All. His innocent baby brother had married the maou. They had consummated the marriage, and it upset him so much to even think that some **_**man**_** was violating his precious Wolfram every night. And every day. All the time. **_**GAAHHHH!**_** even his thoughts were screaming at him.**

**Before he ripped the king's head off he had to get away, somewhere he could blow off some steam. He ordered his horse to be readied in a gruff tone and set out north. He left a very confused Gunter behind to look after the kingdom's affairs. He decided to go towards the mountains that separated the Voltaire lands from the southern territories. **

**He stopped occasionally to walk his horse and rest his butt from the saddle leather. After a day's ride, he reached his destination: the Walde Valley gorge. His family had come here for generations to train their earth magic. It was full of rocks, and boulders, and nothing much else.**

**He gathered his magic together and released it on a large boulder, "GODDAMMIT! HE'S MY INNOCENT LITTLE BABY BROTHER!" The rock crashed into the side of the gorge and the resulting collision was earthshaking.**

"**WOLFRAM! I WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU! YUURI SHIBUYA, IF YOU EVER HURT HIM, I WILL CRUSH YOU!" Gwendal released a large burst of energy into the hillside and it exploded from the force of the anger behind the spell. He carried on like that for hours before slumping to the ground from exhaustion. "damn double black menace. He better take care of him, or I'll bury him." he murmured to his horse. **

**Miles away in the Bielefeld Palace, the king felt an earthquake and pulled his wife into a door way, shielding him from the impending rubble that was sure to fall from the ceiling.**

"**Relax, Yuuri. It's just Gwendal. He must be mad about something." Wolf brushed it off.**

"**Gwendal? **_**He's **_**causing the earthquake?" he couldn't quite comprehend it.**

"**Yeah, he's the cause of all the earthquakes here in Shin Makoku." **

"**Oh. Okay then." they began the walk into the banquet hall.**

**Back in the gorge, Gwendal mounted his horse and they began the trip back to the castle, feeling less stressed than earlier.**

**I hoped you liked this chapter. Please read and review. Thank you!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing yada yada**

_Fact: Blueberry juice boosts memory_

Wolfram grumbled as he stormed into the kitchen, stomping his feet and shouting curse words for the entire world to hear.

"That insufferable wimp! That idiot Maou! How dare he!"

The Maou and his husband and gotten into a fight that morning, although the origins of the fight were long forgotten. It had ended with Yuuri promptly shoving his foot in his mouth and causing Wolfram to storm out of the bedroom angrily. He fled to the only place that Yuuri wouldn't look for him. The kitchens.

Wolfram sank down onto a stool, his bottom lip jutted out noticeably and his arms crossed tensely. He was pissed.

"Yuuri had no right to say such awful things to me!" He grumbled, growing angrier by the minute. "'Why do you have to be so annoying Wolfram'" He mocked.

Suddenly, without warning, Wolfram stood from the stool, sending the small perch flying.

"I refuse to partake in this nonsense!"

He was hit all of a sudden with a grand idea. He walked over to the counter where a bowl of blueberries sat on the counter, waiting for the chef to make them into a pie. Wolfram gathered a handful of the small blue orbs and rushed out of the kitchen. He remembered Gisela once telling him that blueberries tended to raise you ability to remember things, and Wolfram was going to be putting that knowledge to the test.

He quietly padded down the hallway, making sure not to draw attention to himself, until he stopped in front of the Royal Bedchambers where he was sure Yuuri still remained. He opened the door and was met by darkness.

_That wimp was _asleep? _After our fight?_

Wolfram was simmering in rage as he leapt onto the bed and frantically shoved the entire handful of blueberries into Yuuri's open mouth, all the while screaming at him.

"Don't you ever forget that you are _my _husband you stupid wimp! Implant these words in your memory because I won't forgive you next time!"

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